A Resigned Approach to Complete Uncertainty?

"Destiny is usually just around the corner. Like a thief, a hooker , or a lottery vendor: its three most common personnifications. What destiny does not do is home visits. You have to go for it yourself." (Carlos Ruiz Zafon – Shadow of the Wind, p.233)


What is it about life that we fear so much? Why are we so afraid of change and fluidity?
Recently I have found myself having a crazyness inner chord I have not been aware so far of sheltering, as if I was afraid of it, as if I had had it removed from the public light, because it was no good. In some ways, I still think it is indeed no good at all. Yet at denying this chord in me, I have probably also worked at strenghthening it... and today I awake fidgety all over and the feeling does not go away. How do you deal with moves such deep into you. With an inner fluidity that calls in for you going away from yourself and feeding inner demons?

This issue had already arisen some years ago. At the time I remember a friend telling me I had shadows behind my eyes. I put it at the time to that recent painful memories were difficult to deal with. Yet maybe there is more to this than that? Now I realise change is upon me and that one way or another I will have to let these shadows gain some access to outer light. I will have to face my self -- or run to self-destruction. Yet what about those who love me and whom I love?